mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
