So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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