Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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