I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
