No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
