I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
