I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
