oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
