Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Can't talk, ducks in the car
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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