I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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