I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
