This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
