Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
