The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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