my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize