I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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