just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
