she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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