Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize