At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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