Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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