I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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