I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
