I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
dude. I can hear the air.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
