hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
