so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
