I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize