Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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