Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
