It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just threw up on my dentist
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
