can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
