My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Green mimosas i think yes
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
