I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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