well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
