Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
