I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
