I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
