Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
