We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
