The maid of honor just puked.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
