tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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