I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
