you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
