I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
