We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize