my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
