I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
