Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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