So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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