I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
