see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize