WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
