hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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