Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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