Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
