He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
