so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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