I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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