the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
