Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
