we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
