just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
