So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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