so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize