This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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