a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
