If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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