I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just took my morning after pill in the library
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
