I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
