Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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