Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize