P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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