They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
