You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
