I feel like abortions should bother me more
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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