Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
