Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
