I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize