You made me cry and you don't even care
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
