I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
