i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
