I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize