Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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