Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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