I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
