My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
