Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
