Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
