Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
