Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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