My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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