hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
