I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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