the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
