1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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