So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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