Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
