how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
