She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
