I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
