just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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