hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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