Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
