I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
