Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
