I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
they need to just BURY HIM!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
