Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
