Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
